Internal/External Experience

The place where I am sitting is cool. It is out of the way of the sunny spotlight. Sometimes I wish I could get out of the way of the spotlight. When people call me out on being shy, my face grows hot and it feels like I have been sitting in the sun for hours. It is something I cannot control. Just like the grass can't help but whither when the sun hits it for too long. Little bugs are crawling over my feet. I bet they aren’t shy, and if they were I’m sure they would believe that there is nothing wrong with being that way. They don’t have to deal with people telling them to come out of their shell or that it will go away as time passes. The breeze gently blows air across my face, making it cool again. A piece of my hair by my left eyebrow refuses to grow long enough for it to stay in my pony-tail. The wind carries it across my face. My hair makes me think of my best friend who has the same kind of unruly, curly hair that I do. She is the one person who knows me best. She pushes me when I want to be pushed but I can’t do it on my own. She understands me. Like how the birds today seem to understand that the weather is growing colder and it will soon be time for them to leave. I can’t help but think that maybe it is time for me to leave Lake Forest too. Being abroad for a semester has made me feel like I have outgrown this place. It just doesn’t feel the same, almost like I don’t belong here anymore. I wonder if Lake Forest changes from year to year for all the animals that leave and come back. Or if the enormous trees surrounding the savanna right now are like the professors who come back every year and see their students transform over time. The crackling brown leaves beneath my feet remind me that this season is changing too.